Sempre Vires

Romantic Suffering

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 00:36:26 GMT

This ruined puzzle is beige with the pieces all face down
so the placing goes slowly.
The picture's of anything other than it's mean to be.
But the hours they creep,
the patterns repeat.
Don't be concerned, you know I'll be fine on my own.
I never said "don't go."

I've hidden a note,
it's pressed between pages that you've marked to find your way back.
It says, "Does he ever get the girl?"
But what if the pages stay pressed,
the chapters unfinished,
the storied too dull to unfold?
Does he ever get the girl?

This basement's a coffin.
I'm buried alive.
I'll die in here just to be safe.
I'll die in here just to be safe.
'Cause you're gone.
I get nothing
and you're off with barely a sigh.
I never said, "Goodbye."

but I've hidden a note,
it's pressed between pages that you've marked to find your way back.
It says, "Does he ever get the girl?"

But the hours they creep,
the patterns repeat.
Don't be concerned, you know I'll be fine on my own.
I never said "don't go."

Does he ever get the girl?
~Dashboard Confessional

Today was a really long day...three euths. in a row, is just the start. And it took me forever to find this song that I just couldn't find on my iPod on the way home. Relaxing and stretching now. I quite enjoyed my Riesling this evening, and dinner Chicken with Capers and a white wine sauce, sweet potato, and green beans.

People

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 16:24:29 GMT

I still can't get my head around how people walk in and out of each others lives. I encountered an extraordinary young lady today at one of my favorite sites who has been in the hospital since August, who had severe injuries inflicted by a person she didn't know. She may be able to walk again in two months. I am in awe of her strength.

I have lots to do today. I need to find some motivation to do it!
-walk dog
-exercise
-set up bird feeders
-clean room
-wrap gifts
-finish essay!
-Christmas tree?
-GAH Holiday Dinner

I know there is more...

Alone

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 01:35:21 GMT

Goodbyes

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 00:39:10 GMT

After the football game
he dropped a kiss
on my right cheek.
It was not my intention
to touch his heart.

Fast Cars and Great Company

Sat, 05 Dec 2009 06:25:35 GMT

I enjoyed three hot cars today. The three of us went driving around with my car, Billy driving. We visited people. Billy and I "borrowed" John's car, my first time driving with a racing clutch and custom exhaust, a Subaru Impreza RS 2.5; it made me want to add some parts to my car. Lunchtime, red wine and chocolate moose at an italian restaurant. Billy and I were the "date crashers." As well as the company of great friends and some very intellectually stimulating conversations. Most of Katelyn's friends are men and we ended up chilling at one of their apartment's before heading out to the bar, with Boondock Saints as background noise as we chatted and drank beer. The conversation spectrum was quite intriguing, we talked fine art, movies, relationship dynamics. His curiosity center around the difference in lifestyles between New Hampshire and New York [island and city]. He liked me to Julia Stiles in 10 things I hate about you; I was not approachable last night. It is true, I do have an "I eat men for breakfast" look plastered across my face most of the time.

As for Katelyn and Travis, they give me hope, that good people can find each other and stay true to one another. Someday I know I will be there, but right now I feel somewhat "damaged." Meh, I will get over it. Time for sleep.

Acceptance

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 15:21:10 GMT

So I have accepted I can't keep the cute little Randolph and Macon [kittens]. sigh. They were left outside of our office on Monday morning, we don't know how long they were left there. We will find them a great home where they are very much loved. Falling in love sucks sometimes, when you are separated from it.

NO

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 01:04:02 GMT

In the depths of despair...

Busy Days Ahead

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 12:02:44 GMT

So much to do on Wednesday before my departure for Long Island. Luckly, I get to leave work 5-5:30ish and will get in before midnight :-)

Wednesday
-oil change
-liquor shopping for the crew(booze is cheaper in the Granite State)
Travis' request: largest bottle of Grey Goose and Stoli Orange
-Getting Secret Santa gift (for Maura)
-packing
~~-walking the dog~~
-possible horse-ness w/ Angela, ~~maybe Max?~~
~~-swimming with Lori~~
-~~ESS~~AY-no more procrastination, no essay, no NY (it has been evolving in my mind)
-I am sure I am missing something... [to be continued]
-bank
-put on EZpass
-booze list continued: Jack Daniels, Bacardi Dragon Berie, Absolute Vodka, SoCo [largest bottles]

Dreamtime

Sun, 29 Nov 2009 21:30:27 GMT

A five story home. As you walk into the first floor there is an elevator at the center. Out to the left is a living quarter of sort. The house was known to be haunted, and my place was the fifth floor. It was a new living arrangement, an old house, with much history. The fifth floor was arranged behind the elevator. There was a wide hallway surrounding a room, my bedroom, fully furnished with a queen size bed in the center facing the doorway, to the left was table with a lamp and in front of that a couch with a flat screen television that was on, seemed like perpetual commercials. I moved out of the room to the right and went around that wide hallway surrounding the room and found two electric guitars with an amp. I moved them towards the doorway located next to the table and lamp. I seemed to be making many trips back and fourth with my own things, as I said moving in. I remember one point not taking the elevator and realized the other three floors were composed of halls of ramps leading up to my living quarters. I found myself running through them. As I became more comfortable, I begin to think about making the place more my own. This lead me to move that table and lamp from my room into the hallway. In my head was Angela's voice, "They won't become angry unless you change their things." I immediately moved it back and then tied to the leg of the table was a small dog, about 10 lbs, built like a Chihuahua, eyes showing some age, probably 8-9 y.o. and Angela's voice again, "hehe, I bet the dog hasn't been outside for years..." I pick up the dog and have the inclination to open the mouth. The dog did open, but was not pleased with me. At that moment I felt weight on my shoulders, as if a man's hands where pressing me down, in warning. I woke up.

Visting The Past Through Photos

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 02:13:59 GMT

So I have done some cool shit, forgot how much stuff I have done in my short little life. Huh. Puts everything in perspective.

New Moon

Sun, 22 Nov 2009 21:12:11 GMT

Jasper is still my favorite character, but Jane is coming up in the running. Bella and Edward still piss me off and will continue to piss me off until Breaking Dawn.

Earth Analysis

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 14:29:11 GMT

You're not golden
And I'm getting tired
Act like you own the place
When really you've only just arrived

I caught first glimmers
In hides and skins
Look who's all grown up
Black swanning about the solar winds

You're gonna lose it all
And find yourself on your knees
So, get a grip and you might
Flow, reverse the great, slow bleed

I've tried patience, but
You always want a war
This house won't tolerate any more
Stop this right away

Put that down and clean this mess up
End of conversation
Put your back in it and
Make it up to me now

The cold shoulder
Folded arms and looking up
You've never listened
And carry on careless, regardless

This is not a fire drill and
If we hold any hope
It's harmonic connection
And stereos in biosis

These legoland empires
Choking out mine now
You're everywhere, everywhere
Multiplying around me, child

A strain on my heart
This rock can't tolerate any more
Stop this right away

Put that down and clean this mess up
End of conversation
Put your back in it and
Make it up to me now

Baby, behave, we'll make it work

Poetry in the lyrics, just reading it you can get sucked into the tempo of the song. At the same time there the word choice, the images, all surround you like in a dream.
"It's harmonic connection
And stereos in biosis

These legoland empires
Choking out mine now"
This is a masterpiece. The best part is that this is only one of many. All of Imogen Heap's lyrics steal you away from reality for a brief moment to let you glide on the wings of imagination. Simplistic and magnificent.

Reconnect

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 03:40:10 GMT

Amazing friends show up in my driveway this afternoon. Love it. Swimming in the am with Lori. Long Island NY in three weeks <3

Within The Depths

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 03:05:31 GMT

Realization: To allow the freedom of one you desperately care for is far more meaningful then trapping love within a bottle. Who wants a ship in a bottle when it could be sailing on an adventurous sea?

Currently I am in an exhausted state in which I choose to perpetuate. Swimming in the am. Riding followed by spending quality time with my canine companion. I am in a sort of shock that has yet to leave my bones by way of my flesh. It is almost as if I left my mind 600 miles away, but that is not the case.

Looking back every part seems surreal, only the tangible images keep my thoughts grounded. I have been "Anticipating the Ache." How can it be avoided? Honestly, when it comes it will be embraced, for only it will illustrate compassion. Basically it comes down to the importance of friendship. The ability to forgive for misjudgment. There is a part of me that feels as though I have been as blind as Elizabeth Bennett, her stubborn self not being able to see past trivial matters, being hit by a truth bus. Another part instinctively knowing the importance of all that has unfolded.

Within all the inner workings, contemplations, I find myself in a state of contentment. Knowing that the friendships being formed in the context of my life are made of substance, and are reliable and full. There is much comfort in feeling safe, cherished, trusted, and in turn providing the same to others. My exhaustion prevents me from further exploring these depths tonight.

Past. Present. Future.

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 19:00:57 GMT

The irony in bringing it around full circle. Ultimate enjoyment.

Good Luck: You Will NEED It

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 19:44:39 GMT

Thought: Is tired of people getting engaged for the wrong reasons.

I hate humans and love humanity simultaneously. Leave it to a co-worker and Holly's son. Seriously people have you ever heard of the word integrity? ::shakes head::

Distractions

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 15:25:46 GMT

live in the moment; ache for the touch of the future.

Mmmm, tastes good.

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 14:58:17 GMT

"I have no delusions of divinity. We are men, not gods. Man is his own god, his own devil, his own death--we are created in our own image, yet imprisoned by the face we call our own. I will remake the world as I have remade my face, so that they may confront their ugliness and find for themselves what is beautiful." ~Black Mask

Wedding

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 16:54:25 GMT

So one of my college friends asked me to be one of her bridesmaids. This has been in the works for a while and I was the person who initiated their friendship so I want to be supportive. The exciting part is they decided to go to Cancun for the wedding. I just got off the phone with their travel agent.

Pineapple Tomatos

Sat, 10 Oct 2009 01:48:51 GMT

Maura [co-worker], gave me a few pineapple Tomatillo plants in the spring this year. Talk about a fruit that messes with your mind; they are pretty unique in flavor, sweet with a kick, but the texture of a tomato. Our tomatoes did poorly due to the blight that was brought over by Chinese tomato plants distributed by large chain stores [not mentioning names]. Anyway it has been an experience. Next year I might try some plant some plain ones to make salsa. They also have the coolest little encasing.

Romance in the air

Sat, 03 Oct 2009 22:08:25 GMT

So my best friend is engaged. Ron did it in the most romantic way, perfect for Angela. During the normal routine of barn chores. It was evening and she had just checked the buckets. She has her glasses on [highly unusual] because her eyelid was all puff up like Quasimoto [her word not mine]. It was just right.

Steve, one of the vets at the practice is spending the next three weeks in Peru and is planning on asking a Peruvian woman to marry him. This is the only thing on my mind right now. He is a man in need of someone. Hardship is an understatement when you begin to consider his life and I can only hope for the best. Amazing person, beautiful soul, sometime he can be a hard ass, but when it comes down to the grit of character he has it. I respect him and acknowledge he needs this.

As for me. My iPod hook up in my car isn't working so my entanglement with Imogen Heap isn't doing so well. I am very sleepy from staying busy this week in order to keep my brain preoccupied with reality. I had forgotten what it felt like to be alive. And it is October, my does time fly... bye...

Lust

Fri, 02 Oct 2009 00:24:32 GMT

I am currently infatuated with Imogen Heap's new album. It is a lusty affair.

Advent Hill

Wed, 30 Sep 2009 15:45:05 GMT

This morning I went for a riding lesson over at the barn with Angela. Skodsborg was on the crossties when I walked in the barn and he gave me a good exhale when I gave his forehead a pat. I have known the horses there for nine years now. It has been a long time.

Lynne and Arthur have been trying to sell the property for a couple of years now. Angela and I were convinced it would really never happen. Just kind of hiding the reality in the back of our minds so we don't have to think about our ponies leaving. Apparently they put an offer on a house in Arizona, where their daughter and two granddaughters live. If they go they will bring the horses. It hit me kind of hard today. Lately I have been avoiding horses, well mostly Max for numerous reasons and I had a really good lesson with Explorer today working on lead changes, collection, etc. It left my heart aching just a little bit more.

From a good novel.

Tue, 29 Sep 2009 04:27:02 GMT

"But soon we shall die and all memory of those five will have left the earth, and we ourselves shall be loved for a while and forgotten. But the love will have been enough; all those impulses of love return to the love that made them. Even memory is not necessary for love. There is a land of the living and a land of the dead and the bridge is love, the only survival, the only meaning (p. 107). " ~Thornton Wilder

Xterra, my love

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 18:37:04 GMT

Currently I am enjoying a glass of red wine on my back porch while babysitting the dog from licking at her sutures. After visiting a referral doctor Wednesday for her LF leg. About a month ago she tried to make friends with a porcupine in the backyard. After a couple courses of antibiotics and continued lameness I decided to do rads of her leg and found that she had a bone fragment in the joint, hence the referral. She wasn't to concerned with the elbow because she got around alright before the quills, but recommended and ultrasound and/or a MRI to find the quills that remained.

Well, lucky I work at a practice where one of the vets practices ultrasound (lucky me). So the following day I bring her to work, not fasted for her u/s. This was pretty useless because there are so many tendons, ligaments, bones, muscles that you can't differentiate much. However the clipping did wonders in the palpation department. We were able to find a quill migrated about 5-6 from the initial location of the quills. Quills are not to be taken likely. They can migrate through the body; I have seen one migrate from behind the eye and Janet told me a story of a dog dying when the quill migrated into his heart. I guess it would be a romantic way to die. Better than Jack, a seizing dog that came in one day with a 107 degree fever who died in my arms. I will never forget the moment he relaxed, began wagging his tail and then past. Great dog. Anyway, that was a digression. So, we began surgery on Xterra mid-afternoon to recover the quill and it was successful. Now it is a waiting game again to see if this helps her. I miss running and hiking with her. Unfortunately it doesn't look like she will be my companion to do the Appalachian Trail.

Looking forward to VA.